I have to say, with all of the joy it brings to celebrate his birthday with him, there is also a very heavy feeling in my heart. Today is the one day in Jed's life that his birth mother and I share. She knows July 18th...she knows she gave birth to a precious baby boy 2 years ago today. She knows all the details of that day. I know none. She knows what it was like to hold him as a newly born baby. I do not. She knows what it was like to look into his big brown eyes as he opened them for the first time. I do not. She knows what it was like to wrap him in a blanket and feel his soft newborn face against hers. I do not. She also knows what it was like to hold him for the last time. I do not. She knows what it was like to kiss him for the last time. I do not. She knows what it was like to give up her birth child on the very day he was born. I do not. But from that very devastating and unimaginable moment, we share a bond that will forever link our hearts...the miracle of this little boy's life. I know what it is like to hold this little guy, to wrap my arms around him, to hug and kiss him, to laugh with him, play with him, read to him, to wipe his tears away, to rock him to sleep each night. I know what it is like to be his mama and if I could talk to her, especially today, I would tell her that God has had his hand on Jedidiah's precious life, that he has a forever family that loves him so much. May God, on this very day, give you, his birth mother, a deep peace in your heart that he is safe...he is cared for...he is loved and cherished.
(Okay, I am way too emotional to go on. I will try and get it together to keep writing!)
I am back. :) So for a little update...today is our 101st day with Jedidiah. I really cannot believe it! It is hard for me to figure out what to say about the 70+ days since I last blogged. So many great moments, and some tough ones mixed in there, but if I had to choose a word to describe where we are today, after 101 days, I would have to say 'comfortable.' Each day we are more and more comfortable as a family of 7. Each day we get to know Jed a little better and he gets to know us and that brings comfort. Each day we get a little more comfortable with all the change and each day we fight that change less. Each day we get a little more comfortable with the 'new normal.' It is amazing how each day I wake up and I see us one more step further along in this transition. Sometimes it seems like such a long road we are on...bonding, transitioning, ultimately attaching to one another. But I do wake up every day and literally feel the progress forward and it is exciting and encouraging.
We took the advice of our post-adoption counselors and really hibernated as a family until mid-June. That time together spent focusing just on each other and our family was priceless. It really helped in the bonding process. We have ventured out more and more since then with Jedidiah. Sometimes it goes well and we venture out more and sometimes it doesn't go well, and we pull back in. I am sure that back and forth will continue for a while, but it is all part of the bonding and now attachment process.
Jedidiah is the sweetest little guy! He is full of energy. From the minute he wakes up, he wants to explore his world and take in everything he can. He loves his brothers and sisters a ton and cannot get enough of them each day! It is cute to see him interact differently with each one of them. Ella he really trusts, he knows she will protect him if he needs it. He loves to read books with her, take walks and explore with her. Jonah is the consummate big brother...he is Jed's huge wrestling partner and Jonah takes him to jump on the trampoline multiple times a day! Elijah does all the boy things with Jed...plays trucks and cars with him, battles him with swords and has nerf gun wars with him. And Lila is his little mother...she makes sure he is safe all the time. She hugs and kisses him every chance she gets. They like to swing together on our playset, and she will push him around on his ride-on toys for what seems like hours! I just love watching them all together!
Jedidiah gets so excited when he sees ba-ba's red truck come home each night. He loves his daddy! He runs to the door and does his ah-ah sound that he does when he gets excited (if you spend any time with him, you will hear this sound when he sees construction equipment, motorcycles, tractors, any animal, especially dogs, and his daddy...it is beyond cute!).
(All photos in this post are by Jodi Petersen at J Leigh Pix)
And he still has a sweet spot for his mama, which I adore. :)
If I was to tell you what has been the hardest part of the last 100 days, I think it would definitely be sleep, or the lack of it. Jed has just not been able to sleep well - not at night nor at naps. It has definitely been like being back in the newborn stage when getting sleep is very unpredictable. We have started this week to work on some sleep strategies, so hopefully we can turn a corner in this area. Being tired makes everything seem harder, so getting the sleep thing to a better place is our number one goal right now.
For all of you wondering how it has been going, I hope I have been able to share a little about life in this quick update.
Beyond anything, as we embark on this special day, and we get ready to celebrate Jed's 2nd birthday with him, I am overwhelmed with the huge blessing this little guy has been in our lives. He has taught us over and over what God's unconditional love is really like and we are beyond grateful! HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY JEDIDIAH WEN LIANG GUNNINK!!
