Adoption Journey - Part 1

LIFE LEADING UP TO ADOPTION
2006 - Early 2011

Our adoption journey began way before we realized it was beginning.  For me, God put a place in my heart for adoption when he created me.  I did not really understand that until recently.  I have always been intrigued by adoption.  I loved seeing families interwoven with birth children and adopted children.  I loved hearing their stories and watching them grow and bond as a family.  I saw the love of God in families who embraced children who need the love and affection of a forever family.  I guess, though, I loved looking in on these families, but never thought it would be us.  When the twins were born in 2006, I distinctly remember saying to myself, ‘I feel like our biological family is complete.’  At the time I wondered why I put the word 'biological' in there, that with newborn twins in my arms and a 3 and 1 year old at home, the thought of more children would even be in my mind, but I it was and I did...more evidence that God was working in my heart even when I did not realize it. 

Life got completely nutty when we brought the twins home.  With 4 kids under the age of 4 years old, we were in complete survival mode.  They were all I could focus on.  Still, God was moving my heart.  When I would go to concerts and Compassion or World Vision would be there, and they would talk about children in need, my heart was always touched, I would often be in tears through it all.  We sponsored children through these organizations and I was thankful we could be part of their lives.  And we had more and more friends adopting children. I saw up-close how God was changing lives through adoption. My heart was stirring all those years.   

And then as the kids got older and we left the completely chaotic years and entered the somewhat chaotic years :) God started to really speak to my heart.  By 2010, I started to sense God saying, ‘What about you? What about your family?  Are you ready for Me to show you all I have for you?’ Was I ready to open myself up to all God may have for our family?  Honestly, I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t exactly sure at that point what He was asking and I felt like I was just coming up for air after some pretty all-consuming years of child-rearing and beginning home schooling. In the fall of 2010 God placed me at a conference to hear Steven Curtis Chapman speak, a huge adoption advocate.  I bought his wife’s book, Choosing to See.  I soaked up every word of Mary Beth Chapman’s book.  I knew God was asking me if I was ready to see what He had for me, and through that book, I started to feel drawn towards adoption, not just watching others adopt, but for me and my family.  Just as soon as the idea of my family adopting even entered my mind, fears welled up inside of me.  I felt like I was barely managing with 4 kids.  I did not know what God would be thinking asking me to open my family and my heart to another child.  We could send money to support children, we could support others who were adopting, but us adopt?  I just was not sure I had it in me.   

AND I certainly knew adoption was not something Brad was drawn to for us.  Brad was feeling pretty satisfied with a girl and a boy after we had Ella and Jonah.  He knew I did not feel done and he willingly said we could try for a third, but only for 3 months, and if it didn’t happen we would need to re-evaluate what we thought God had for us.  Gee, turns out, we got pregnant the first month with twins!  Instead of 3 kids, we were going to have 4!  Although Brad loves his kids a ton and loves being their dad, he was feeling like our family was complete. In my prayer time one day, I remember saying to God, ‘Okay, You have my attention about adoption and I am willing to start praying about it, but You are going to have to move a mountain to get Brad’s heart wrapped around the idea.  I will pray and I will leave Brad up to You.’   

The beginning of 2011 was a huge turning point in our adoption journey.  God really used two trips we took early in 2011 to turn our eyes towards adoption.  First, Brad and I went on a mission trip to Haiti in January 2011.  We were blown away by the poverty and the destitute lives people were living, especially the children.  Yet, God was there.  Their simple lives, staying in the moment, only focused on having meals for that day, not worrying about anything for tomorrow was refreshing.  There was a contentment there that seemed more present in the midst of that poverty than we ever experience here in the States.  When we visited families in the small village where we were and would ask them what we could pray for them, they often had no specific requests.  I could think of a ton of things to pray for them, yet they have nothing, but ask for nothing.  It was a contentment I could not understand.  We brought Christmas presents for each child in the village.  Their sheer elation over every item...just as much joy over a small toy as underwear or a toothbrush...was humbling.  I went to Haiti to help people there, yet at the same time God was using this time and these people to change my heart.  He was teaching me that there is beauty in the simple.  That my hustle and bustle ‘full of stuff’ life is not better than these peoples' lives.  Actually, my stuff often kept me from hearing God and really following Him in my life...from the everyday acts of kindness He wants me to extend to the people around me to being obedient when He asks me to do something for Him that may turn my life and my priorities upside down.  I left Haiti with this verse on my heart: 

Ephesians 5:1 (NIV)
Be imitators of God, therefore as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.                                

God also started to etch away at Brad’s heart while we were in Haiti.  Seeing the poverty opened his eyes to the plight of many children in this world.  While we were holding babies in an orphanage one day, Brad said, ‘Let’s just take a few of these kids home.’  Ah, what?  That just came out of Brad’s mouth?  Okay, God was moving... 

In February 2011 Brad had a work trip to Jamaica for a long weekend.  Although I totally did not want to leave my kids again, we went and God rocked my world!  I think ultimately, he needed to get me out of my environment to first, process the Haiti trip more, and then to get me in a quiet place of solitude, like a Jamaican beach, so He could talk loud and clear to my heart.  On the first day, as we were getting ready to go down to the beach for the day, I told Brad that it was really nice being here, and the resort was amazing, but it was hard, too, since we were just in Haiti.  I was wrestling with what I have, what others don’t have, and how I should live amidst it all.  The majority of people in the world do not live lives of luxury, but instead poverty and hardship.  We had just experienced that kind of desolation.  I felt God asking, ‘What are you going to do with that truth?’ I so wanted our kids to grasp that truth more, for our family to step out and live in a way that could make a difference in this world.  How could we help an aching world?  So, I went down to the beach that day with these thoughts in my mind.  A few hours later, a song came on my iPod that would change my life forever.  I had downloaded a new CD from MercyMe called The Generous Mr. Lovewell for the trip, so I was listening to the songs for the first time.  A song called ‘Won’t You Be My Love’ came on.  ln the middle of the afternoon, on February 24, 2011, God was talking to me through this song:

When you fall asleep tonight
In your warm and cozy room
Know that I'm awake
And I've got no shelter and no food

I am not alone
My friends are broke and lost
Looking for someone to lead them to my cross
I need your help, I need your help

Won't you be My voice calling
Won't you be My hands healing
Won't you be My feet walking into a broken world
Won't you be My chain-breaker
Won't you be My peacemaker
Won't you be My hope and joy
Won't you be My Love

The other side of the world
She is just a few days old
A helpless little girl
With no family of her own

She is not to blame for the journey she is on
Her life is no mistake
Won't you lead her to My cross?

Won't you be My voice calling
Won't you be My hands healing
Won't you be My feet walking into a broken world
Won't you be My chain-breaker
Won't you be My peacemaker
Won't you be My hope and joy
Won't you be My Love

To those I call My own
To those I've set aside
As spotless without blame
The chosen ones My bride

We will be Your voice calling
We will be Your hands healing
We will be Your feet walking into a broken world
We will be Your chain-breaker
We will be Your peacemaker
We will be Your hope and joy
We will be Your love
By the end, I was sobbing! My heart for adoption, which had been slightly opening throughout the last year, was split completely wide open! I thought of a little girl in China who was just born.  She will live in an orphanage never experience the love of a mother, a father, or a family – and worst of all maybe never know the love of Jesus.  I wanted to embrace her, I wanted her to be my daughter, to be Ella and Jonah and Elijah and Lila’s sister, for Brad to be her daddy and for her to know who her Heavenly Father is.  I wanted to be God’s love to her.  I immediately asked Brad to listen to the song.  I then shared all I was feeling, through lots of tears. I think he was pretty shocked that all this was transpiring on a beach in Jamaica, but he said let’s pray about it and check into adoption.  Wow, I was so thankful for his response!

The reality of it all was scary to me, but I knew that if this desire growing in my heart was from God, He would guide us. I so wanted to be God’s love in a hurting world, and if adoption was one way God was asking us to be that as a family, I knew God would direct our paths.  He would give us His eyes and His heart for a little child somewhere in this world who needed the love of a family and needed God’s love!

I prayed for courage and strength and started down the path of adoption!

James 1:27 (MSG)
Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this:  Reach out to the homeless  and loveless in their plight...

Who We Are & Where We Are Going

So this is the Gunnink family...our last 'formal' family photo in December 2012 shortly after we got our first ever pet, a yellow Labrador named Tabitha (Tabbie is her nickname).  The kids have grown leaps and bounds since then!  Brad and I have been married since 2000 and we have 4 very great kids at our house, and everyone is very excited to soon welcome our 5th child, a son (I will talk more about him later).

Ella, our oldest, is 11 years old. She has a heart of gold, very thoughtful, loving, honest and creative.  She has strong convictions and tries to stick to them.  She definitely is the leader of the bunch around here!  After me, the other kids look to her to organize the fun and keep things rolling.

Jonah, our 9 year old, is such a lovable kid. He is very sensitive and humble, always putting others ahead of himself.  He definitely is the analytical one and if he isn't trying to figure out how things work, he is building something or reconfiguring something. Always moving, this boy!

Then comes our twins, Elijah and Lila, who are 7 years old.  What a surprise to find out we were having twins!  Even though it brought some incredibly crazy, hectic years, we would never trade all of that for anything.  Love having kids so close in age!

Elijah is a huge sweetie.  He has a gentle personality. He is so kind and really tries to be a good friend to everyone. Love that he can just go with the flow.  He is the peacemaker for sure around here.

Lila is a very passionate little girl.  She has strong desires and strong convictions and lets us know them regularly, actually many times a day. She is very determined and likes to work hard and accomplish a lot.  She will stop anything, though, to help anyone who is hurt or upset. Love that about her!

And here is a photo of where the kids spend most of their free time...THE POOL!

All 4 kids are great swimmers and swim on a swim team most of the year.  They dabble in lots of other activities too - music, writing class, football, basketball, soccer, dance, biking, running, triathlons - but most often you will find them - and Brad & me as the chauffeurs - at the pool.

And since I am talking about my family, I cannot leave out my amazing husband!  Brad was single until he was 34, so after all those years of single life, things quickly changed for him after we got married.  He so can go with the flow (Elijah gets it from him), and that has enabled him to survive 4 kids in 4 years quite well!  He is so fun-loving and addicted to adventure, so God gave him the perfect family for him!

I am a stay-at-home mom who home schools our 4 kids.  This is our 6th year home schooling, so it comes pretty natural now for all of us.  It still can get hectic, and I definitely have those want to 'pull my hair out' kinds of days. But we just pray, regroup, and start fresh the next day!

The bottom line...I am blessed. I am in awe of the family God has entrusted to me.  I sometimes can't figure out why He has, but then decide to just lean that much more into His strength and His love, and then it all makes sense again.

We are about to embark on a whole new journey as a family...the beautiful, yet sometimes overwhelming and heart-wrenching journey of adoption.  We have no doubt God has led us to this place. Again in awe that He has chosen us for this privilege.  All we had to do was say yes to the call. And then let him work and orchestrate, and change our hearts as He takes us through each step.  It has been humbling for sure, but not a journey I would have wanted to miss.  Our adoption journey...the subject of my next post!  :)